Mental Blocks and Orgasms

I’ve been dealing with this my whole sexually mature life. I can’t fucking cum with a partner. Well, I can, but it’s usually just tiny orgasms once I finally go through the anguish of letting myself open up during that one fuck session. Each time I make the decision to work towards finally having a clit orgasm, I have to go through this long process of reminding myself to let go and to just feel what’s happening. It’s driving me bonkers that I can’t always have a clitoral orgasm. I’m the queen of G spot orgasms. They come easily and I can squirt a three foot stream, but I can’t seem to let myself go enough with my partner to have a body-shaking clitoral orgasm – one where it feels about as intense as it does when I’m masturbating solo with my Salsa. Even with co masturbation or mutual masturbation with my Salsa, I can’t bring myself to cum.

So now I’m on a quest. It’s my goal the next few months to stop forcing the tiny little clit orgasms during sex with my partner, and actually let myself cum, no matter how long it takes or no matter how many times we have to give up. I WILL get there eventually. And I plan to document my failures and successes, and share tips about this weird journey (if I even come up with any tips), since I’m sure there are many women who struggle with this and are tired of the same old sorry ass magazine tips. You know, the usual, “try spicing up your love life with a vibrator! Most women won’t orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone.” *yawn* We know this. Most of us have tried vibrators. Most of us have tried many different toys and techniques with our partners but still aren’t getting off. Maybe if the media would focus less buy, buy, buy and more on sexual abuse/body image issues/mental blocks that are all preventing orgasm, more couples would have better sex lives. I know for sure my internal blocks are caused by sexual abuse, but I won’t go into that right now.

More later,

xoxo

Review: Salsa by We Vibe

     The most raved about bullet vibe (this one, duh) is a HUGE hit in my bedroom. The Salsa from We Vibe is a strong bullet vibrator that works great for clitoral stimulation and fits perfectly in my favorite Tantus dildos. It’s completely waterproof and rechargeable, and it really is as strong as is claimed. It’s even a bit much for me.
Design:

The vibe is made of ABS plastic with a silicone push button on the base. It’s hard, heavy, and completely smooth, save for the We Vibe emblem that’s engraved near the base. I noticed that the emblem helps me get a better grip on it when it’s lubed up and slippery. There’s also a very slight flare on the end that makes gripping it and taking it out of dildos easier. The flare doesn’t make it safe for anal use, so please don’t try inserting this one.

ABS plastic is non-porous, hypo-allergenic, easy to clean and disinfect, and smooth as all hell. There’s no funky odor to either the plastic or silicone push-button. The smooth and shiny plastic is prone to scratches, so the satin storage pouch comes in handy. Cleaning is simple; toy cleaner and a wash cloth, soap and water, or toy wipes work great. Since it’s not porous, you can share it between partners if you clean it properly before sharing.

     The heft to this vibrator can make the strong vibrations kind of intimidating. If I go a week or two without using it, I feel like my clit is being assaulted by a tiny jackhammer. If it were a lighter vibrator, I think the vibrations would be a little less intense and easier to handle for some. I’m a bit of a power queen, but sometimes it can be overwhelming.
Functions:
     There’s 8 settings all together. 4 of them are constant vibrations at various levels, and the other 4 are different patterns. To turn it on you just hit the button, and to turn it off you can either cycle through all 8 settings by continuously pushing the button, or press and hold for 3 seconds to turn the toy off. If you turn it off by pressing and holding the button it’ll remember what setting you were on and resume from there when you turn it on again. There’s no travel locking option.Strength:
This thing is intense. I’d say it’s about 5 out of 5 on the intensity scale, and a very low 2 out of 5 in terms of noise. Lots of strength for the volume. I’ve seen a few writers comparing the Salsa and Mia 2 in reviews, but I just don’t think they’re comparable. The Mia 2 is lightweight and weak, and the Salsa is strong and heavy. I think I’d like to eventually find an equal medium between the two. Something with decent weight and strength, but not too overpowering.I enjoy it for solo play and quick orgasms. When we try to use it during sex, it’s a bit too much. My partner can easily go too rough on my clit with it, and she’s definitely not used to such strong vibrations when I use it on her. We’re thinking it’ll be fun to use in a harness that holds a vibrator in place for clitoral stimulation for the wearer, but of course we’ll likely keep it on the lowest or second to lowest setting.

It comes with a neat box, a white satin storage pouch that holds the charger, the vibe, and could also accommodate a small bottle of lube. The charger is a little strange. It comes in two parts, with a magnetic head that connects to the vibe and then you plug it into the charge cord. I get a full charge in 1.5 hours. A full charge will only get me about 40 minutes of play time if I use it on the highest setting, which kind of bums me out. There’s no warning that it’s about to die either. The intensity doesn’t deaden as it discharges, and it’ll die with a sudden shut off. I dunno how many times I’ve been close to orgasm and it just died on me. Whomp whomp.

Pros:

  • Rechargeable
  • Waterproof
  • Strong
  • Discreet

Cons:

  • Short battery life on the highest setting

Overall Rating: 5/5

Strength: 5/5
Volume: 2/5
     It’s a great vibe all around. I’m pleased with my purchase. I would only change the weight of it as it makes the vibrations even more intense. The battery life sucks, but I’ve just learned to keep the charger on hand, and I charge it every four uses or so. I’ll likely be purchasing a We Vibe Tango soon, just in case my Salsa dies on me. The Salsa was discontinued, but the Tango has the same strong motor and vibrations. The only difference between the two are the head shapes, with the Salsa ending at a point, and the Tango ending with a flat slant.
Sadly, the Salsa has been discontinued. But you can pick up the We-Vibe Tango! Same strong motor, but with a different design.
The Tango is available at Early2Bed for $79.99.
The Tango is also available at LoveHoney for $79.99

Review: Black Magic Super Bullet by Doc Johnson

 

Credit: Doc Johnson

I’m a lover of rumbly vibrators. My clit needs more than just the usual buzzy bullet. I need power. Even the Mia 2 didn’t do it for me. I’ve had my eye on the Black Magic line from Doc Johnson for awhile now, and I was looking for something big and strong to use with my partner so that in the darkness of our room she won’t miss my clit. I also wanted to experiment with placing a vibrator between us while doing tribadism, and my small, slippery, dancing Salsa just wasn’t working.

     The Black Magic Super Bullet seemed like the best option. It’s big and velvety which I figured would help keep it in place between our labias. It’s also pretty somewhat powerful.
Credit: Wikipedia

I’ve been experimenting lately with stimulating the entire length of my clitoris glands. Truth be told, the clitoris isn’t just that tiny little nub that protudes from the top of the labia. There are glands that extend deep beneath the labia, and wrap around the vagina. While reading Secretly Sensuous’s  Fairy Wand review, and I found that long, slow massages helped stimulate the entirety of my clit. Graduating from this, I figured what better way to stimulate the entire thing than with a big ass rumbly vibrator?

Design:
The Black Magic Super Bullet reminds me of a giant pill. It’s a perfect cylinder with no bumps or raised texture, and each end is rounded. It’s 6″ long, 5″ insertable. 5″ in circumference. There’s a push button with a power symbol on battery cap end The battery cap has an o-ring, making it waterproof. There are also two raised lines on both the cap and the vibrator. When you match up the lines, you  know it’s sealed properly and water won’t seep through. It also comes with a very thin plastic strap that’s connected to the battery cap. I don’t know what the hell the strap is for. I ended up removing it because it’s such a thin strap that it cut into my wrist a bit. But at least the strap is plastic and not cotton; non-porous. Woohoo!

Credit: Doc Johnson

Function:
Only three levels of constant vibrations, that’s it. It takes three AA batteries, and to turn it on you just hit the power button. The first setting is the lowest, and it goes up two more levels from there. To turn it off you have to cycle through all three settings, which is kind of a bummer is discretion is your thing. It’s also the loudest vibrator I own, about 3 out of 5 in terms of volume. The vibrations aren’t as rumbly and strong as my Mona 2,  but I wasn’t expecting it to be a jackhammer.

Use:
So how did it work for stimulating my entire clitoris? It served its purpose. It’s not a quick orgasm, but slowly working my way up to the highest setting is lovely. This isn’t a quick get-off at all, and it takes time to get used to not having direct stimulation on just the clitoris head (at least for me). I like the Black Magic Super Bullet’s slower vibrations. Even on the highest setting, it’s a slow, strong rumble, and my labia and clitoris seem to enjoy it a lot. I admit that I did get frustrated a few times when orgasm just wasn’t happening, but in my mind this technique is more of a practice or exercise than a surefire orgasm.

As for tribadism, we haven’t tried to use it. The idea was poorly planned on my part.

Pros:

  • Waterproof

Cons:

  • Loud!
  • Not as strong as I had hoped

Overall Rating: 3/5
Strength: 3/5
Volume: 3.5/5

I’d love it more if it were stronger. I do think it’s a good purchase for the price, but it shouldn’t be the main go-to vibe as I’d imagine it would leave a lot of people frustrated.

 

The Black Magic Super Bullet is available on LoveHoney.com for $29.99.

My List of Regrettable Sex Toys I’m Trying To Forget

After reading Epiphora’s list of “Terrible Sex Toys I Used to Lust After“, I figured I should pen my own list of wonky toys I purchased before I was enlightened to the importance of sex toy matierals. Trust me, there’s been many a questionable thing I wanted to shove up my vagina.

I was on a budget and thought that bigger meant better. I thought smaller dildos and vibrators wouldn’t be good enough and I didn’t know that warm-up was essential. If I had to choose just one, I’d choose the biggest, cuz then I’d have to be satisfied, right? Right…(wrong).

Ok, this thing. It’s not the exact model and make that I owned, but I bought it about 5 years ago and can’t find the product page anymore. The thing was HUGE! And since I was a newbie to fucking my own vagina, I didn’t know I wasn’t turned on enough to handle it and I used whatever cheap lube came as a free gift. *Sigh* Thank goodness I didn’t end up with some crazy vaginal irritation since it was made of rubber. [Don’t fuck rubber toys!] So after this horrible experience, I went on to buy…

This scary ass jelly dildo. I actually tried JELLY! I didn’t end up with any serious chemical burns or allergic reactions, thank jeebus, but it smelled horrid and stained my shelf after I gave up on trying to fuck it and set it aside as funny decoration for my room. After an extended stay on my shelf where it stood there for about 4 months, the base eventually melted and oozed chemicals a bit and ruined the finish of my shelf. Grrr. I tried using it maybe 3 times, each time with condoms and once without. No crazy reactions. Please, please, please don’t even think of using Jelly. It’s porous! It holds onto bacteria and bodily fluids and soap chemicals and errythang forever! It also can cause some serious vaginal irritation and chemical burns.

Ok, again, not the same one as pictured, but someone once bought me something very similar once upon a time. I should’ve dumped them the second I smelled the rancid jelly. With an insertable length no longer than 3″, they probably felt I’d stretch out my virtuous vajay if they actually purchased me something that was a little bigger and pleasing. *eyeroll* I mean, I don’t need something massive like the ones shown above, but this thing was laughable. I eventually threw the jelly sleeve away and only used the vibrator that came with it.

TMI Tuesday

1. Do you believe in marriage?
Yes, but I don’t believe in governmental control of marriage, marriage licensing, etc.

2. Have you ever proposed marriage or been proposed to marry? What happened?
Yes. I was young and dumb. This was well before I realized I was a lesbian, and obviously it didn’t work out. But we’re best friends and hang out often, and we’re both happy with where our lives have gone since then.

3. What would be your dream way of proposing marriage?
This. Hands down, best proposal ever.
//www.youtube.com/v/5_v7QrIW0zY?version=3&hl=en_US
(yeah, I totally just teared up re-watching that one)

4. What would be your nightmarish way of proposing marriage?
At some kind of sports game. No bueno.

5. Mainstream society has engagement rings; in your opinion, what token should be given to signify engagement?
I like engagement rings, just not diamonds. I don’t support the diamond industry, and I’d rather use my own recycled metals.

6. What do you think would have happened to cause someone to have “Will you marry me?” on the back of their caravan?
Ummmm. What?

Check out TMI Tuesday, and participate!

Review: Icicles No. 18 by Pipedream

     I know I’ve said it before, but I’m a total glass dildo addict, and I absolutely love texture. From the moment I tried my first glass dildo, the Pink Double G, I wish it had more pronounced texture and a bit more girth. When I saw a closeup pic of the texture on the Icicles No. 18, I had to have it. The texture combined with the big bulbous head and severe curve of the dildo has really rocked my world and hasn’t disappointed me yet.

(Yeah, I used a Grizzly Bear’s album as my background. Whateva.)

 

     This glass dildo is made of borosilicate glass, or Pyrex, making it shatter proof. Even though it’s shatter proof, it isn’t completely unbreakable, but if it does experience a fall it won’t break into a million pieces. Instead it’ll just break into large chunks, preventing injury from tiny shards of glass. Borosilicate glass is also great for temperature play since it’s resistant to breaking during extreme changes in temperature. You can pop it in a bowl of warm or cold water, or even put it in the fridge if you like. Note that freezing glass dildos isn’t recommended because it can cause injury to the vagina or anus.

     My No. 18 is 8 1/2″ long, and 4 3/4″ in circumference at the widest point of each head, and 3 3/4″ in circumference at the thinnest point in the middle of the shaft. Since glass dildos are handmade, measurements vary. The curve is almost a 45° angle and is closest to the head of the dildo, making it great for G spot or prostate stimulation. You can insert either end, and the two bulbs of the handle gives a slight popping sensation. It is also anal safe. The generous curve prevents the dildo from getting sucked up into the anus, but some would prefer to avoid using it for anal due to its lack of a flared base. I haven’t tried it for anal yet as my ass can’t accommodate such a huge dildo. This dildo is absolutely gorgeous. The blue of the raised bumps is a kind of royal blue with some purple undertones. The red flower in the handle is flawless. I’m impressed with it.

     My G spot LOVES this dildo. When I first insert it there’s a very strong popping sensation as my labia stretches to accommodate the large head, followed by a large amount of fullness that feels absolutely amazing. Normally I just rock the head in and out, but if I want to feel that texture and push it in deeper it feels absolutely amazing. I love slow thrusts with this one, and I surprised myself when I slowly took it out and found that I was squirting uncontrollably. The pointed tip of the head isn’t terribly pokey, but I don’t like to direct the top toward my G spot anyway. I loath pin-point pressure on my G spot. My preference is more toward a large surface area of pressure against my G spot, so I rub the sides of the head against mine.
     I don’t really recommend this for couple play. We’ve used it together before, but the size can easily make it too much for me to handle if my girlfriend gets carried away and thrusts too hard or too deep. She once hit my pubic bone with it and it hurt like hell, which is a common concern with all glass toys. Be careful!
     Pipedream’s Icicles packaging is nice. It comes in a cardboard box that’s recyclable, and the dildo lays in a styrofoam tray (which isn’t recyclable). There’s a front cover to the box that’s held closed with a magnet, and opening the flap shows the dildo through a clear plastic window. This dildo doesn’t come with a protective pouch. Since it’s such a big, heavy dildo, I keep it in the original packaging so it won’t put pressure on my other glass dildos during storage.
Overall Rating: 5/5
     It’s the best, no questions asked. I adore it for its pronounced texture, and it’s very pretty to look at. I haven’t yet convinced my girlfriend to let me get a pretty glass curio cabinet to showcase all of my beautiful glass dildos, but if I could get her to let me do it, this one would be the main act with spotlights and streamers.
The Icicles No. 18 is currently $59 CAD ($55.59 US) at Sensual-Intelligence.ca.