Review: Fetish Fantasy Elite Universal Beginner’s Harness by Pipedream

 

Image Credit: pipedreamproducts.com

That name certainly is a mouthful. Say that 5x fast. Just don’t blame me when you bite your tongue off. The Fetish Fantasy Elite Universal Beginners’ Harness by Pipedream is an inexpensive double strap harness with a stretchy o-ring that will fit a range of different dildo sizes. But it certainly won’t fit a range of different waist sizes like it advertises.

     This was our first strap-on harness. I was on the market for a double strap harness that either came with multiple o-rings or one very stretchy o-ring to fit a variety of dildos. I was drawn in by the price ($25-30 with most online retailers), and at first I thought I hit the jackpot, but now I kind of hate this strap-on.
      The harness pad is made of vinyl and neoprene, with the front being a shiny vinyl, and the back a cushy neoprene. While the pad is nice and cushy against the pelvis of the wearer, neoprene is porous and hard to clean. The shiny vinyl is easy to clean by shining it up with a damp cloth, but it is also porous and cannot be fully cleaned. The care directions say you should spot clean it with a damp cloth and to avoid completely submerging the strap-on in water. This kind of turns me off of using it. The neoprene back comes into direct contact with the wearer’s genitalia and naturally soaks up a lot of bodily fluids. If I can’t clean it in a way that I feel is actually getting it clean, than I don’t want to even bother. We go against the care directions and usually wash it in the sink with antibacterial soap. I lay it flat to let it dry completely before storage.
     The vinyl face hurts when it hits my clitoris or labia when my partner thrusts too deep. It’s a very tacky material, and it grabbed onto my clit and yanked the clit hood upward when we were in mid-thrust. No bueno. Before, I had no qualms with this strap-on because I didn’t have firsthand experience as the wearer, but the third time we used it my clit was assaulted by its face and now I’d rather just burn it in a fire. To hell with you! I’ll likely be throwing it in our bonfire and dancing around it naked once we get a Rodeoh harness. Ok, it’s not that serious. But the pain was seriously that bad.
     This strap-on is advertised as being able to fit up to a 44″ waist. I don’t know how this is even possible. The top waist strap hardly fits around my partner’s waist and she’s a 36″. I don’t know how many times we struggled to get the nylon straps back into the slip buckle when she was putting the harness on. There was only maybe an inch of slack left once we had it secured around her waist.
     The straps are also very uncomfortable for the wearer. She said she experienced a lot of chaffing during thrusts, and when we were struggling to get it back on her, the edges of the straps were a bit harsh against the sensitive skin on her thighs and waist. The buckles and straps do stay in place once we finally got them on correctly, but it’s such a hassle that I’m contemplating buying a leather harness and skipping nylon/buckle type harnesses…and I’m a vegetarian who would normally completely avoid leather.

     Overall Rating: 2/5

I should’ve researched the materials prior to purchasing this one. It’s a major turn-off that I can’t wash it thoroughly. I don’t know which “waist” they’re advertising it as fitting. Perhaps it’s the low-rising waist of jeans that could actually qualify as hip size, but it definitely won’t fit up to a 44″ natural waist or high waist size.

Update: I officially broke the harness. It seems that the O ring has completely stretched out and won’t accommodate our Tantus Echo anymore. If I’m clenching my PC muscles enough while she pulls out, the Echo comes sliding right out of the O ring. This happened three times already! Such a bummer.

If you wanna try your luck with the Fetish Fantasy Beginner Harness, it’s available on LoveHoney.com for $29.99. Be sure to pick up some extra O rings in case yours stretch out like mine did. This three pack will let you use different sized dildos as well.